Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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