Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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