Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
