No awkward lesbian experiences without me
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
