I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
