i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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