I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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