I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
