used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
