my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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