I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
