haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Randomize
