She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
