At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
did i walk over a car last night?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
