You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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