Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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