Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
