ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
