the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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