I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
