Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Randomize
