Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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