I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
