i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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