The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
