Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I'm both gender and math confused
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
