another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
