Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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