I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
