I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
