Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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