Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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