My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
