So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
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