Tell her she can't have a vagina
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
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