can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
