Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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