Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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