maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
high people should be assigned attendants
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
