she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
