when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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