lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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