Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
