Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I need to stop coming to work sober
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
