I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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