then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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