Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
