Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
