I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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