She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Houston, we have a squirter
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
