I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
