it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
