I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
