He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
