I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
