My friends, they love my intelligence
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize
