Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
