He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
