i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
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