I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
