He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
