i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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