My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
