I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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