Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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