That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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