Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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