you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
