If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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