He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Randomize
