spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
