Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
