Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
