I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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