I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
